


Dragoste găsit în tristețe

by MakBarnes



Category: Captain America, Marvel
Genre: Bucky comforts you, Bullying, Crying, Cuddling, Cutting, F/M, Sad turns to happy, Self Harm, movie, online bullying, starting of a relationship, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-11
Updated: 2015-08-11
Packaged: 2018-04-14 04:35:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,272
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4550613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MakBarnes/pseuds/MakBarnes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>TRIGGER WARNING!___~~~~<br/>In this reader insert you (the reader) are in your senior year of high school with your roommate Bucky Barnes. After the worst day at school by far Bucky comes home and finds out that your harm yourself. He comforts you and it turns into something wonderful.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dragoste găsit în tristețe

As you put a little more tattoo cover up over your inner wrist you feel a tear run down your face. You understand why you did it but you couldn’t let anyone know how much the bullying broke you, the darkness that was inside you. When your junior year of high school started you moved in with your only friend Bucky Barnes. He was captain of the baseball, football and soccer teams surrounded by popular people. Bucky had everything anyone in high school anyone could want. Captain of three sports teams, head cheerleader as a girlfriend and president of five different clubs. You had no idea why he was best friends with you, the only thing that kept you sane was art class. You finished dapping the last of concealer you heard Bucky knocking on your bedroom door.   
“Hey, Ready to go.” You sigh and walk out of your bathroom picking up your backpack. As you pick up a clear gloss and painted your lips with it.   
“Why do you wear that stuff? You’re beautiful without it, you know.” You laugh at Bucky’s remark and pushed him gently out of the way. You go over to the door and pick up your red converse sneakers that match your red and black flannel shirt. You tie the shoes on your feet and adjust your black beanie that was placed on your head. You stand up and take a last look at yourself in the mirror, you see a black undercover shirt clinging to your skinny stomach paired with your black skinny jeans. You look away from the mirror in shame but quickly change into a placid face. Bucky grabs his keys and you follow him out the door. Bucky and you get into his cherry red mustang, he turned the switch and three days grace started to blast out of his radio. He only listened to metal music when he was either alone or around you, It made you feel special that he shared a secret part of himself with you but it also made you disappointed in yourself because you were terrified what he would do. Bucky drove to school but turned the music off about two miles away from the school, when he arrived his “perfect” girlfriend Scarlett was standing outside with her small group of followers. You ignored the fact that you caught her cheating once with the hockey team captain Steve. She told you that it was over as soon as it started and every day since she had been bullying you online and in person. Bucky knew nothing about it and if he did you knew it would break his heart. Bucky parked the car and you got out slowly while Bucky dashed over to Scarlett. You ignored all of the quiet laughing and names as you walked through the halls to the art room. You opened the door and threw your backpack on the floor, there was a tarp covering your latest artwork. You only had few more strokes to make it complete before having it up in your room. You sold most of your art but this one was special to you, there was something about it. As you placed a few different colors of paint onto the plastic palette. You selected your brush and set them down on the stool next to the covered canvas. You reached down and uncovered the painting and stood back in despair. Across the canvas were four words spelled out boldly, running your beautiful artwork. Freak, Worthless, Loser and the worst one Mistake. You sat down against the back wall looking at the words over and over. Tears started to stream down you face and you wiped them away quickly as you heard the door open. You quickly acted like you were doing something until you heard snickering. You look up and see three pairs of pure white tennis shoes standing in front of you. You look up to see Scarlett and two of her followers standing in front of you.   
“I see the blood sucking whore got our present.” The two girls beside Scarlett dragged you out into the hallway and threw you against the lockers.   
“Scarlett, Bucky would not want you to do this.” Scarlett kneeled down in front of you.   
“I don’t care what that piece of shit thinks, he broke up with me this morning!” Scarlett punched you in the face which caused your head to hit the lockers behind you.   
“Now, can you please not bleed on me, this uniform is new.” You looked at the blue and white uniform on the three girls in front of you. Scarlett snapped her fingers and just like that the three of them were kicking you in the ribs, legs and even harder in the stomach. As you lay there you can see the three of them walking off laughing, leaving you there alone in the hallway. The tears are streaming down your face and you rush out of school the best you can, the only place you know is your apartment and you run there, leaving everything and everyone. When you get to the apartment you go to your bathroom and look at yourself. You kick off your shoes and sit at your bed, burying your face into your pillow you hear your phone go off. Part of you wants to ignore it but it could be Bucky or your parents. Your dreadfully reach for your phone with a shaking hand and it vibrates even more as you bring it closer. You click the home button on your phone and gasp at the messages that are appearing. Scarlett, and the whole cheerleading team had added you to a group chat and were being relentless.   
“Slut.” One girl said.   
“You’re a dyke that’s the only reason you live with Bucky, I saw your flirting with some shank of a girl.”  
“Your parents should have aborted you when they had the chance.”   
“You’re a waste of space, just kill yourself.”   
“Kill yourself.”  
“KILL YOURSELF.”   
You threw the phone across the room and buried your face into your pillow bawling into it. You breathe in the air deeply and threw your flannel cover shirt across the room. The concealer you applied this morning was already wearing off exposing your old scars. You attempt to ignore them because you know that is not healthy. It was reaching the end of the school day and you knew that Bucky would be home soon, you didn’t care honestly; all you wanted was to feel something other than the words breaking you inside every time you saw them. As you sit on your bed with your knees curled into your chest your phone goes off repeatedly, you know it is only more hurtful words. With every alert of the phone a piece of you goes numb even more. The phone’s alerts start to fade you glance over at your wall. The reason you picked this room was because of the brick wall on one side of the room. At the beginning of the year when you moved in you noticed there was a loose brick that opened to a hole behind the wall. You slowly get up and gently pull out the brick setting it on the floor. Inside was a little box you had gotten for your birthday from your cousin that is where you kept them. You hold the box tightly to your stomach and go into the bathroom, locking the door behind you. You sit down against the door and let out a deep sigh; you open the little box and see three razors from box openers, the metal piece from a broken pencil sharpener, a small pocket knife, and a few small wires from jewelry. It wasn't about the pain, although the physical pain made your emotional pain go away, but rather release. You took out the one of the razor blades. You forcefully pressed the blade against your wrist and cut it slowly, with every hint of pain you felt the hurt and negativity go away. That feeling was intoxicating to you. It reminded you that you were still alive. You were utterly alone in your house and just let out crying. You had used other things to try to dull the pain as well, but nothing else worked, feeling the pain of the blade rush across your skin and seeing the blood made you release everything that was ever bad in your life. You knew that it was not a permeant replacement for your emotional trauma but it was helping right now. You hear the front door open thorugh the entire phone alerts and quickly wipe away your tears. You remember the brick you left sitting on the ground and stick the box under your cabinet.   
“{your name}, what happened to you at school I haven’t seen you all day!” Bucky voice echoed in your head you hear him set his things down and stop at your bedroom’s doorway. Bucky already knew that in middle school you had done some minor scratching on your inner elbow but you expected he had forgotten about it. You silence your tears and listen closely to any movements Bucky made. You look down at the cuts you had just made, seeing the blood ooze out of them. You hear Bucky slide the brick back into place and knock on the bathroom door.   
“{Your name} Are you there?” You sniffle quietly and cough slightly.   
“Yeah, I’ll be out in a minute.” You hear Bucky walk away and carefully unlock the door. You peek out of the door to find an empty room and quickly rush over to the flannel that was laying in the floor, you slip that on over you.   
“Hey, what happened to you? Have you been crying.” Bucky was standing in the doorway.   
“Yeah no big deal just messed up my new painting.” Bucky smirked at you and walked out of the room, coming back with a covered canvas.   
“Do you mean this one?” Bucky uncovered the canvas to expose the bolded words you had seen earlier.   
“Why do you have that?”   
“Because I want to know who did this. You are not going to be bullied when one I can stop it and two I am not having my best friend doing this to herself.” Bucky took hold of your hand and pushed up your sleeve. You and him both look down at your cut arm, the new cuts were still clotting with a bit of blood.   
“Sit down.” Bucky pointed toward your bed and you knew it wasn’t worth trying to run. You sit down at the top of your bed and Bucky sat down right in front of you. You and Bucky sit there in silence while you phone keeps beeping, alerting you of every message you were getting.   
“Who is texting you so much?” Bucky picked up the phone and unlocked it to the message screen. You cried softly already knowing what they were probably saying. Fat cow, reject, slut, bitch, whore, trash, mistake, waste of space, cunt, diseased whore, loser, freak, mistake, ugly, weirdo, dork, fat, stupid, attention whore, emo, faggot, disgusting, pig, liar, scary, monster. Bucky was scrolling for what seemed like forever reading every word and phrases being sent.   
“Come here.” Bucky hugged you and turned your phone off setting it behind you. Bucky wrapped his arms around you letting you cry into his chest.   
“Let me see your arm.” You slide your sleeve back down to cover them looking at Bucky’s outstretched hand.   
“{your name}, give your hand.” Bucky looks at you softly with his crystal blue eyes pleading to you so he can help.   
“Alright…let’s try something else then.” Bucky pushed back his hair and faced you. The next thing you know Bucky is tickling you. You scrunch up into a ball and try to get away from Bucky but he straightens out your legs and sits on you, straddling your waist.   
“There’s that beautiful smile.” Bucky carefully grabs your shoulders and pulls off the flannel shirt you had on covering your arms. Bucky held your hands and looked at your wrists sighing.   
“Stay here.” Bucky hopped off of you and disappeared out of the room. He returned a few moments later with a first aid kit and sat down next to you. Bucky took your wrist and wiped some antiseptic on the cuts then wrapped some gauze on them.   
“I heard you broke up with Scarlett?”   
“Yeah, she hooked up with Steve, such a slut.” You laugh a little at that remark as Bucky finishes tightening up the gauze.   
“How did you know about these anyway?” Bucky wiped the few remaining tears off of your face.   
“I can hear you crying, that brick is a good hiding place and I’m not stupid, you can’t fool your best friend. Now we are going to go in there, sit on that couch and watch your favorite movie and you are going to be happy dammit.” Bucky takes your hand and sits you on the couch. He picks up a DVD box label RENT and puts it into the player, clicking play and sitting down next to you. You and Bucky sat on the couch, him watching you sing every lyrics in every song that played. He smiled while watching you and loved seeing you happy. At the middle of Light my candle Bucky leaned over and kissed your cheek. You stopped singing and stared at him happiness, You took his arm and wrapped it around you as you leaned against him.

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know if I should continue this insert series of Self Harm. I would also do some others with different heroes. Thanks!


End file.
